I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
