You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
