Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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