I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize