they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
