I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
