There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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