My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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