I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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