So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
