Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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