UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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