Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
