Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
