he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
