if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
