Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
