So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
