mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
