I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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