who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
