I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
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