I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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