so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
