If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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