Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize