At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
