Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
