Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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