Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We had sex on a dog bed..
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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