Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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