apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
