Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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