oh god the rape fog is back!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
