girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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