I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
