Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
