Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
