Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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