??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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