I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
