soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
