I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
