i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
