I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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