I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize