he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
