I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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