Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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