Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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