She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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