if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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