I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize