Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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