i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
handjob tips. give me some.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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