The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
