I met the friendliest cop last night
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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