He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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