end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We are two peas in an std pod
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
