dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
