Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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