help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
