Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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