Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
