quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
