You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
