I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
