It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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