He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
